


I carry the sun in a golden cup

by cosmiceverafter



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Almost Kiss, Dancing, F/M, Falling In Love, Fate & Destiny, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hidden Moments, Internal Monologue, Love, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Tension, Slow Dancing, Soulmates, sanditon 1x06, thoughts of future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:55:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28819602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmiceverafter/pseuds/cosmiceverafter
Summary: Sidney's POV while dancing with Charlotte in London.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 33
Kudos: 99





	I carry the sun in a golden cup

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, thank you so much for the positive response to my last Sanditon fic; it meant the world to me! While I'm writing more for The Sea is Bound to Us, because that story may be multiple chapters, I thought it would be fun to write Sidney's inner dialogue from 1x06 when he asked Charlotte to dance. That scene was breathtaking, and you could recognize them falling deeper in love with one another. I wanted to capture that. Enjoy!

* * *

**_I carry the sun in a golden cup._ **

**_The moon in a silver bag. - W.B. Yeats_ **

* * *

The evening had begun most predictable, as the ballroom rose in sound. Glasses were clinking as if bells were ringing, laughter drifting around in harmony, and twinkling chandeliers illuminating dancing formations.

Most balls in the excellent society of London often followed in suit. Sidney accepted it by now; this had been his livelihood for as long as he could recall. And yet, he had always observed them trivial and dull. Nothing innovative became of them. Instead, it was repetitive and tiring. 

Nevertheless, that was not how this evening played to be. The reason for the shift? _Miss Charlotte Heywood._

Sidney couldn't recollect when it had happen, as it surprised him to astonishment, but the truth of the matter was that he was in the process of developing strong feelings for Miss Heywood. 

He had sworn love into the fiery depths of hell long ago after Eliza had shredded his youthful heart into pieces. 

Afterward, Sidney had then wandered a path into the darkness, not giving a damn about anyone, especially himself. 

But in her approach, Charlotte had managed to modify that particular mindset. She had appeared innocently and naive into Sanditon. 

However, as Sidney gazed upon her now, Charlotte was transformed into a golden goddess standing with Babington. Then again, perhaps she always was, and it was his blindness that had hidden the revelation apart from him. 

Sidney's feelings for Charlotte had wedged their way into what he thought was a dead beating heart from the moment he'd met her. She had stunned him with her assumptions and even her recurring accusations. 

Miss Heywood was spirited, and Sidney felt drawn to her company, even though it had initially bothered him. 

He had savored being in charge of outcomes, and yet Charlotte made him feel powerless. It was unnerving. 

Sidney conveniently had sent her away when she had shown her faults, but it had been to no avail. And even when her actions had angered Sidney, his heart still beat for her; yearning to see her beautiful face once more. 

Over time, he realized they weren't flaws of Miss Heywood. They were strengths of an immeasurable steady heart. 

Sidney began to admire what she persisted for, even when Charlotte had him all wrong. But how had he shown her any different? He had acted as nothing but a brute towards her. 

Even at his worst, Charlotte hadn't given up on locating Georgiana, which had restored his faith within her. The one that had sparked his attention in the beginning. 

If only _he_ could now prove himself to her. 

Charlotte had brought that need to the surface as she continued to speak her mind about truths on what she assumed him to be. 

Sidney didn't want to appear unfeeling, especially in Charlotte's presence. He recognized he had work to do from shifting from the man who had belittled her and accused her untrustworthy. Sidney had apologized with meaning and purpose; he couldn't comprehend it to be enough, though.

When Charlotte had mentioned she had not been in the mood to be sociable, Sidney worried about her good nature. Miss Heywood was always the life of the party, and he was afraid that light had dimmed within her. Of course, it had all been in result of Georgiana, not his previous actions towards her. 

If he perceived one thing, it was that Charlotte's heart was unique and made of gold. 

Affirming a fib that his brother had sent him up to ask if she'd reconsidered attending the ball, Sidney's goal had been to arouse her spirits once more. And if he were honest, the truth was that Sidney wanted her there, by his side once more. They were a good team, which not only jarred him but likewise pleased him. 

When Charlotte had ultimately agreed and had gone for a fitting for a dress, he couldn't help but feel happiness course through his body. Sidney hadn't felt joy like this in a long time, and he was eager to present Miss Heywood with the knowledge that he was improving because of _her._ He wanted to show her he could be something other than a monster that seemed heartless. 

Sidney had agreed to himself to be kind and respectful, and yet he also desired to see her laugh and smile, for it took his breath away every time she did. Their banter fueled him in a way nothing else would, and he simply couldn't grasp his fill. 

His pleasant thoughts had all but vanished the moment Miss Charlotte Heywood had taken those first few steps down the stairs. Instead, his heart had begun to pound relentlessly inside his chest, and Sidney realized how deep in he was. 

The falling for her had already happened long ago—this was the result, he could only assume, of being in love.

Charlotte was beyond beautiful, and he had been at a loss of words as she walked towards him with a soft smile upon her miraculous face. The golden dress illuminated her face in a glow that warmed her eyes; they were inviting him in. She was elegant and still the woman he grew attached to. 

Sidney had never witnessed such beauty. 

Miss Heywood was worthy of everything she desired and more— _would someone such as he be good enough company to her excellence?_

Those had been his thoughts as she had stood within range. She inquired if she would _do._ _How could she possibly wonder such a question?_ Sidney didn't have the courage yet to proclaim his inner thoughts of observation; all he could do was add, "It'll do _very_ well." 

Charlotte had taken his hand, and enlightenment bestowed upon his heart. 

Once again, she had been innocent and quiet as they had entered the ball. Charlotte had eagerly glanced around the room in awe, not fully aware everyone in the room was noticing her. Instinctively, Sidney had shifted closer to her, grasping her gloved hand on his arm a bit tighter. He hadn't even been surprised by his annoyance at Crowe's compliment towards her—Charlotte was a spellbinding creature. The comment that bothered him was that his friend was astounded that it was Miss Heywood. 

_What a fool._

As Tom and the others left them, he made no move to let her out of his sight. He lingered next to her asking if she was pleased to be there. Her response wasn't a surprise, but his reaction to not fitting into this setting was. 

Sidney realized he _was_ an outlier and preferred it that way. He also perceived a recognition that Charlotte was as well.

They could be outcasts together. 

As they had roamed the room together, she finally declared she wished to go, with his permission. He jested her slightly, not wanting her to leave him. Charlotte, with her strength wavering, doubted herself. 

At that moment, Sidney confessed to the woman who had touched his heart, was not _too_ much of anything. Charlotte was perfect to him. And for a man who had early on assumed her responses to be frivolous, had apprehended that he now adored them. 

Sidney had aspired to expose even more when his brother, on his neverending mission for Sanditon, drew him apart from his shiny golden anchor. 

So here he was in the present moment, attempting to listen to Lord Willand muttering on and holding Charlotte within his gaze. Abruptly, however, she had wandered away from his friend to leave the room. Unfortunately, he couldn't take his leave just yet; as his heart was with Charlotte, he couldn't leave his brother behind. 

Finally, when he could make his courageous escape, he caught her gentle voice from a tranquil room. Sidney couldn't quite capture the words, as there was another unfamiliar voice with her. The one remark he did obtain was, "...an affliction. Like the measles." 

At first, as he walked into the room, he didn't notice the elegant woman sitting down on the bench. Sidney only saw Charlotte's bewildered and slightly flustered expression. 

"Ah, there you are. I was beginning to think you'd made your escape," Sidney stated with a grin feeling relieved Charlotte hadn't left. 

"Might I presume you are Mr. Sidney Parker?" The woman asked with a welcoming smile. 

_Could they have been discussing him?_

He nodded in her direction as she added, "We were just discussing you." So they had been speaking of him. But how exactly? Curiosity was suddenly seizing the better of him. The last notion she had said was the measles; unfortunately, that didn't reflect well in his favor. 

_What about him,_ he continued to wonder to himself as Charlotte shifted back-and-forth, blushing a beautiful rosy pink. She left him breathless with her beauty; he just had to partake in an intimate moment with her. "Right, well um, I was wondering if Miss Heywood would like to dance—if I'm not interrupting, that is?" 

"Not in the least," the woman replied. 

Charlotte, usually full of words, looked startled. _Could the fact that he wanted to dance with her come as such confusion to her?_ Evidently so. 

Nevertheless, he offered his hand, which to his delight, she took. 

As they made their way back to the ballroom, Charlotte finally broke the silence, "You did not have to ask me, you know, out of politeness." 

"It is what people do at dances, is it not— _dance?"_ He commented with an anxious facade, adding, "Unless you'd rather not?" 

"No, it is only, there are so many other ladies here that you could ask," Charlotte responded sheepishly. 

The answer to his internal question caused him dismay. Miss Heywood truly believed he did not value her company. Sidney yearned to show her otherwise. 

"But I don't want to dance with them." It was a truthful statement, after all. To him, she was the _only_ woman in the room. 

Charlotte didn't inquire further, but the expression of astonishment he had seen momentarily appeared back onto her beautiful face. 

As Sidney put out his hand, he noticed she seemed bashful towards him anew, even after everything they had just been through in recovering Georgiana. However, he felt similarly. 

They'd danced before, and he had been intrigued but not quite as mesmerized yet; now, he was. This sequence in their story felt distinctive... _special_ even. 

The music started, and their bodies moved on their own accord. It was the most natural movement Sidney had ever experienced. 

Charlotte smelled sweet like a flower and fresh like the morning rain. Sidney wanted to close his eyes to take the sense in, but alas, her gaze captured him lovingly. 

He couldn't look away. All Sidney could do was relish in each detail. To the way, her curls pinned upon her head, to the way she parted her rosy lips slightly to catch her breath. He realized he, too, had been holding his own. 

The more they moved and swayed, following the rhythm of not only the dance but their bond, Sidney knew they saw each other in a different light. 

It had already progressed for him since he'd first met her, but the way she was gazing at him right now... _well,_ he craved to embrace her tightly into his arms and never let go.

The desire to kiss her was becoming exceedingly overwhelming with each passing step, mostly when her strong hands softly grazed over his hips. 

Sidney knew his thoughts weren't proper, but he didn't mind in the slightest. All that existed was this moment, with Charlotte in his arms. 

As he twirled her around, he saw a smile appear on her face for the first time all evening.

_Sidney knew he was in love._

Although he had cast the mere thought of marriage to the sea, Sidney aspired to spend the rest of his life, making Charlotte smile in that manner. 

Imagining life with her by his side, sharing moments with loved ones and in solidarity, surrounded by their future children, nearly brought tears to his eyes. It had been a hidden dream of his for years, one he thought he'd packed up properly. 

Sidney noticed the other men spinning their partners, but he was frozen in time. The song was closing, but this moment had transformed him for good; Charlotte Heywood had undone him entirely with what he thought to be dependable. 

Grasping one more gaze upon that sweet face, Sidney exhaled deeply. As Charlotte pulled away slightly, Sidney was already pondering on how he could get her alone with him this night. 

He swallowed and was about to ask if she'd take a walk with him when Sidney felt eyes following him from afar. Unable to relinquish the sense, Sidney quickly thanked Charlotte and felt a chill run down his spine. It wasn't one of comfort, more perturbed as if a whirlwind was reaching for him. 

As he looked up, searching for the cause, he saw _her._

Sidney halted, becoming nonplussed, for there she stood opposite the room, unmasked and beautiful as ever. He was whisked backward into his past as Eliza smiled at him. As Sidney perceived the moment, the sonances in the room faded away. 

Fate, _apparently,_ was not through with him just yet. 

However, as he politely excused himself from Charlotte, the woman who confounded him in every way imaginable, Sidney had an unsettling feeling he was about to head in the wrong direction. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this story, comments & kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
